HOPE TO MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY
by deetatarant
Summary: Fifth chapter up and things are not going so well for Ianto.
1. Chapter 1

Make It Through Another Day

**Make It Through Another Day**

**The Great Mortality**

Ianto Jones sighed. It was the end of a quiet day and really that was nothing to be sighing about. However it was a sigh of deep contentment, which was rare enough in itself, so he allowed himself a private moment of self-indulgent satisfied sighing. Ianto had finally gotten through the cataloguing of the contents of basement room 'G3'. Everything was neatly and appropriately packaged with each container correctly labelled and the door to the room displaying a comprehensive list of the contents of said room with the reference numbers attached so that everything inside could be matched to the electronic and hardcopy database residing in 'B4'. It had marked the completion of three months work. There were still twenty odd rooms to go in the lower levels of the complex, but Ianto would not have minded if there were another hundred. OK, so the archiving of Torchwood Three was proving to be a much larger task than he'd expected, made much more so by the relocation of everything that had been salvaged from Canary Wharf. Truth was, the archives were Ianto's baby. They enabled him to learn about the vast wonders of the universe from the safety of the Torchwood cellars. He probably knew more about Torchwood than even Jack did. He took a certain amount of pride in that and in the fact that his colleagues often relied on that knowledge.

Of course he had the added advantage of almost Total Recall, though in retrospect there was nothing advantageous about being able to graphically remember how your friends and loved ones had died. Selective memory was a beautiful thing when you could get it.

Either way the archives had become a sanctuary, especially recently. They gave him a sense of order, not just the physical of putting things in their correct place, but the emotional connection he felt with all the history and knowledge locked up there. It gave him a centre, a feeling of knowing he was exactly where he was meant to be and he trusted it with all his being. There were never any doubts when he came to these rooms, because they were his purpose not only within Torchwood but his very existence. He hoped, a little pridefully, that in centuries to come his counterparts would thank him for laying down the foundations of the most comprehensive collection of Alien artefacts on Earth, treating them with the respect they deserved.

It amused him to think that he was one of the most knowledgeable people on the planet regarding such matters. With Jack's assistance he had learnt three non terrestrial languages and had spent many hours writing down Jack's accounts of what was 'out there' from the Daleks to a planet of ice oceans where the waves arched over ones head in frozen curves. It was all a wonder to Ianto and something to be marvelled at. Something right now he so desperately needed to fall back on to stop himself from caving in.

What pleased Ianto the most was the fact that Jack had given him full autonomy over the entire archive. No one interfered with it and only he and Jack had full access. Jack only came down there on sufferance or when he needed to find Ianto for a bit of entertainment. Otherwise Jack allowed Ianto total control. It was best that way because it meant things never got lost or went missing as they had done in the days before Suzie's first death. Ianto would bring things up for Owen and Tosh to study, especially the older things that had not been subjected to modern day scanning equipment or more importantly their insatiably curious minds. It had meant that Ianto had gotten to know his colleagues better, that they'd become his friends. Gwen, he never trusted, loved yes, but she was too fond of pressing buttons.

Owen and Tosh were now gone, part of the archive themselves and Ianto wasn't sure enough about Martha or the part time helper 'Mickey Mouse' as Jack called him, to ask them to help (though he had to admit that the name 'Captain Cheesecake' suited Jack very well).

Since the demise of his colleagues Ianto had found himself retreating a bit into 'Ianto's world' and primarily restricting his communication with the outside world to Jack. Gwen had become overwhelmingly emotional since Owen and Tosh had died and insisted on dishing out hugs and cuddles on too regular a basis. Only Jack was entitled to hold him as far as Ianto was concerned. Not that he minded Gwen caring, it was wonderful that she did, but Ianto at best was not a 'touchy feely' person, something Jack often got frustrated at.

Strangely, Ianto was still smiling as he made his way up the damp steps to main part of the Hub, still deeply immersed in his contemplations. He was surprised to find the area in darkness. He glanced at his watch. Oh, another night was escaping him it was 01:30hrs. He glanced up at Jack's office, the only light still on. Ianto was half wondering about going home when the door to Jack's office opened and the Captain emerged and leaned against the doorframe. His braces were hanging down over his hips the button down gone in favour of a white T-shirt, Jack's version of 'I'm not at work' clothes. He had a decidedly frustrated look on his handsome face.

"Yan, do you know what time it is?"

"I do now. Sorry got caught up in the moment." Ianto offered his usual shy smile.

"Filing?"

"Well you know how it is with my fetish for metal cupboards and draws. Coffee?"

Jack nodded. "Yep. You staying here tonight?"

Ianto hesitated. "No. I should go home, I haven't been there all week."

"Ok, then flag the coffee, we'll shut shop and I'll come with you."

Ianto's smile broadened just a little, he always felt quietly assured when Jack decided to spend time with him at home. That had been happening a lot more recently. Ianto went and fetched his coat and pulled it on. He waited for Jack by the roller door, reflecting on his relationship with that strange man. Ianto had tried so hard to get to know him, to understand who he was. Jack had become the crux of Ianto's life. Jack defined him as much as Torchwood did. It was a sad reflection on himself really, that his world had become so empty of anything else. In some weird way though it all made sense to Ianto and he had accepted months ago that that was just how the rest of his life was going to be. He wasn't certain how happy he was about it, but there was nothing he would do to change it.

Ianto's only over riding fear was of Jack becoming bored with him and moving on to some one younger and prettier than he. The older Ianto became the more likely that was to happen. Ianto planned on dying young and with Torchwood's track record he was unlikely to be disappointed.

Having donned a clean shirt and his ever-faithful coat Jack came bounding down the stairs and grabbed Ianto's hand.

"Home Jones. I haven't been near you all day, so there's lots to make up for."

Ianto shook his head in amusement.

It was a short walk from the Hub to Ianto's flat. It always felt a bit odd going there because most of the time Ianto stayed at the Hub, either in Jack's bunk or dozing on the couch. He and Jack had not had a night apart since the whole nastiness with Grey. Mostly because initially Ianto had been too afraid to leave Jack alone with his demons; even now three months and a Dalek invasion later Jack was still having night terrors about being buried alive. When the older man was awake and alone with Ianto he slumped into moments of overwhelming despair over the loss of Owen and Tosh. Ianto did his best to help whether it meant being yelled at, subjected to tears or violent sex and sometimes just explosive violence. One of Jack's punches had fractured his cheekbone a few weeks back. Ianto took it all quietly and stoically because he knew that Jack had to work through his emotional turmoil. Ianto understood it was a fine line between immortality and humanity. Ianto took it all on because he had to, because he loved Jack so much he'd have done anything to relieve the man's suffering regardless of the cost to himself. Jack knew, was in fact wholly aware of how hard he had been on Ianto and he thanked him for everyday; though he never admitted to loving the young man that allowed him to maintain his fragile grasp on his sanity.

Ianto was sure that Jack loved him. There were many signs, their private little smiles and touches. The fact that when they did go on dates it was always Jack who took care of everything and made sure that Ianto had a wonderful time. The two of them had become comfortable with one another and most importantly they trusted each other. For Ianto the best thing had been figuring out that over the last six months Jack only ever came to him for comfort, for sex or for companionship. Sometimes they would just sit together on a random roof, watching the world in silence. Other times the whole night would be spent fucking their hearts out.

It was two am before they reached Ianto's little flat. Ianto wandered through to the kitchen to make coffee and on inspecting his bare fridge he realised that he'd been supposed to go to Tesco on the way home and had forgotten.

"No coffee, I'm afraid. I'll just go to the supermarket…"

Jack however had other ideas.

"Yan we can do it in the morning. You've been drinking way too much of it lately anyway. Shower and bed, that's an order!" He said guiding Ianto out of the kitchen and pulling at his coat.

Ianto opened his mouth to protest but Jack stopped him with a gentle, deep kiss. Ianto didn't stand much of a chance really as he smiled into it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope To Make It Through Another Day**

**A Speeding Dead Cat**

Ianto stuck his hand out from under the quilt and gave the alarm clock a wallop. It bounced from the impact and dropped to the floor. Jack retrieved it and carefully placed it back on the bedside cabinet next to Ianto's mobile phone. He sat down on the edge of Ianto's expansive and extremely cosy bed and began to pull the covers away from his lover.

"What did that clock ever do to you?" He chided.

Ianto glared at him and held on tightly to the quilt. He replied in Welsh to be annoying.

"I haven't even slept properly yet and your smug, cheery arse face is really pissing me off right now. How can you not be tired Jack?"

Jack shrugged in puzzlement at Ianto's outburst in his native tongue knowing full well that Ianto was trying to wind him up. Ianto hauled out a deep sigh before finally allowing the faintest of smiles to curve his lips. He reverted to English.

"How long have you lived in Cardiff?"

"About a hundred and thirty years I guess."

"And how long have you been screwing this particular Welsh boy?"

"Eighteen months?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Learn Welsh already!" He curled himself up with the intention of going back to his sleep and Jack started to laugh, really laugh and it was a wonderful sound too long absent from both their lives. Ianto couldn't help but smile at that.

"I'm sorry Yan, but you have to get up. Duty calls and with Martha and Mickey away…..well…..no lie in basically. Gwen called there's something we have to check out." The apology in Jack's tone was genuine; he was hoping to give Ianto a day off today, as he hadn't had one since Owen and Tosh, well since that day…...

Ianto decided against a long suffering look and just sat up, back to business then.

"I'll be ready in ten minutes." He said unhappily as he got off the bed and padded barefoot to the bathroom. The cheerful moment gone Jack wandered into the kitchen to make Ianto some tea and toast. It was the least he could do after everything he'd put Ianto through over recent months.

The young Welshman was there, ready and looking as perfect as always 9 minutes later. Jack wondered how Ianto had got getting ready into such a practiced art form. However there was a slightly jaded look about the young man, bone deep tiredness that was starting to show in Ianto's demeanour and Jack realised rather guiltily that it was mostly his fault. Like his days off, Ianto had not had a decent nights sleep for months either.

Ianto accepted his tea and plate of toast with a nod of thanks; he put the plate down on the bench.

"Are we going back to the Hub?" Ianto asked, not even out of his front door and he was already in Torchwood Mode.

"No we're meeting Gwen in Swansea, she's bringing the SUV."

Ianto hesitated. "Swansea? Oh, I hate that place." He replied sipping at the tea.

Jack frowned at his obvious discomfiture.

"What's so bad about Swansea?"

Ianto looked at Jack with a world full of hurt in his eyes. "My parents are buried there." He looked away as he put down the barely touched mug of tea. "We should get going."

Ianto walked out to get his coat and car keys.

"You wanna sit this one out?" Jack asked gently aware that Ianto hadn't touched his breakfast, and that Ianto could easily be affronted by the suggestion given his current mood. But Ianto graced him with a knowing smile understanding the intention and grateful for it.

"No, its fine. I'll be ok."

"Good, then I'll drive. You can have a nap in the car on the way."

Ianto handed over his keys, realising that was more by way of an order and one he wasn't going to protest at. Ianto pulled on his coat, checked he had his mobile, wallet and gun before following Jack to the front door. Jack halted and turned to face him with a serious look on his handsome face. Putting his hand to the back of Ianto's neck, he drew him close and kissed him briefly on the lips. Ianto just looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Jack thought his heart would break every time his young lover looked at him like that and he leant forward to kiss him again only to be met by Ianto's fingertips on his lips.

"Jack, we should go and if you kiss me again we are not getting out of this door in a hurry." Ianto whispered with a smile and a rising blush in his pale cheeks.

"Later then?"

Jack could've sworn that Ianto's eyes sparkled at the suggestion.

"Yep, later."

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Ianto stood and watched as Jack and Gwen swung the body bag into the back of the SUV. He rubbed at his forehead with a hanky, he was still bleeding and hurting like hell from the blow he had taken. As soon as the SUV was loaded Jack was at his side a concerned frown on his face. He cautiously reached up to touch Ianto's cheek, the one he recalled, (somewhat uncomfortably), punching a few weeks back.

"Here, let me see."

The bruising was pretty spectacular and was spreading up into Ianto's left temple and the cut over his cheekbone would need stitching at least.

"How's it feel?"

Ianto winced when Jack prodded. "Worse now, don't poke!"

Jack smiled at the chastisement.

"I'll take you to Casualty."

Ianto shook his head. "No Jack, there's no need for the fuss. It's fine. Just take me home."

Jack froze for a moment. "Don't argue, that needs seeing to." He turned to Gwen who had joined them and was rubbing Ianto's arm comfortingly. Ianto flinched at the contact and did not find it helpful but he kept quiet.

"Gwen can you get that thing back to the Hub? Then go home. It's been a long day. The rift alert is diverted to my mobile so I'll deal with anything that comes up. I'm taking Yan to Cardiff General."

Gwen nodded. "OK, call me, let me know how it goes?" She got in to the SUV after a nod from Jack and drove off.

Ianto got into the front passenger side of his Mini Cooper and before he'd even realised it Jack was there, behind the wheel nudging his arm.

"Ianto? Seat belt, you know what my driving is like." He was grinning.

Ianto didn't smile in return even though he knew Jack was trying to lift his darkening mood. It had been an exhausting and painful day. Ianto just wanted home, a hot bath and bed. Jack of course had other plans and Ianto knew there would be no point in arguing with him about it. The Captain broke the speed limit all the way back and Ianto was certain that it would involve at least three speeding tickets and cost him the rest of the points on his licence. Jack got flashed by safety cameras every time he drove, with out exception. Ianto gripped the dashboard and tried to swallow back his queasiness. Something thumped against the front of the car and Jack slammed on the brakes throwing them both hard against the seat belts. Ianto felt his stomach lurch as he snapped off his safety and jumped out of the car. They were in a quiet residential street. Ianto spotted the cat lying in the gutter some twenty yards away and went to check it. Being hit at 'Jack speed' it hadn't stood much of a chance and Ianto found himself feeling a little tearful at the pathetic sight. He bent down to see if it had a collar with a nametag and phone number. There wasn't one. Ianto straightened himself up as Jack joined him.

"What did I hit?" He spotted the cat as he said it, then he clocked the look on Ianto's face right before the young man yelled at him.

"That could've been a kid, Jack!" He stormed off and resumed his place in the passenger seat, wishing to hell he was able to drive himself.

Jack hesitated before following Ianto back to the car. He knew he was in trouble now. Ianto was always on at him about his speeding.


	3. Chapter 3

**thank you to my reviewers...though this may go in a direction you don't like!!**

**Hope To Make It Through Another Day**

Twenty minutes later and Ianto was perched on the edge of an exam couch in a cubical at Cardiff AnE having a light shone in his eyes. Jack was hovering about and getting Ianto more annoyed by the minute, because he was sore and tired. The pretty Asian doctor reminded him too much of Tosh and he couldn't look at her as he answered her questions. Ianto was advised he'd need a skull X-ray and some stitches. Great. He sighed as the doctor left pulling the curtains closed behind her.

"Jack you should go, I could be here for hours."

Jack stood beside him his hands firmly wrapped around one of Ianto's.

"I'd rather stay. Anyway once all this ……."

His mobile starting to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket and cursed. It was a rift alert.

"Shit."

"It's ok Jack, you go. I can get a cab home later." Ianto assured him.

Jack hesitated, not wanting to leave Ianto alone to deal with this.

"Go Jack. I'll send you a text."

Jack kissed his hand. "Ok, I'll see you back at home in a little while."

Ianto was quietly relieved to see him go, but pleased that Jack had come to regard his flat as home.

As Jack left he could have cursed himself for letting that 'Home' thing slip, and damn it why was he getting so……Shit. He tried to focus on work as he strode toward Ianto's car. It didn't happen, all he wanted was to go back to Ianto's side and be with him. Ianto had done that for him often enough in the past and Jack knew he should be reciprocating. It scared him slightly because he felt like Ianto was pushing him away on days like this. Maybe Jack had taken too much from the young man.

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Jack awoke in his bunk from a doze at 7am the following morning. The weevil had got the better of him and God only knew how he had made it back to the Hub before bleeding to death in his office. Ianto would be furious at the mess in his car and upset that Jack had 'died' alone again. Jack didn't want to contemplate it. His thoughts went straight to the young man and he grabbed his mobile to ring him. There was a text message that had been left at 3am.

_I have a skull fracture and some dodgy blood work so they're keeping me in the clinical assessment ward. but I'm ok, take care of yourself. Yan x_

After waving his Torchwood badge at anyone that'd look Jack was finally sitting at Ianto's bedside watching the young man peacefully sleeping. Half his face was under a gauze dressing and an IV drip was in the back of his right hand. It was in the rare times like these, when Ianto was truly asleep that Jack remembered just how young he actually was, a boy really. An infant compared to Jack. Ianto's life experiences though had put centuries on him and many times when Jack had looked into his eyes he only saw himself reflected there. Too much life and experience in too few years. Jack had eternity to manage his own demons and all he had succeeded in doing was cursing Ianto with them along with his own personal collection of horrors. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable Jack wondered if he even had the right to be in the man's presence, let alone in his heart.

Jack had not wanted this. He'd thought himself capable of biting back his own ability to care in favour of protecting himself from hurt. After he'd left Estelle, he managed it quite happily for years, decades even. Then Alex had murdered their colleagues and blown his own brains out. Jack had never seen anyone take his or her own life before. The memory of it haunted him and changed him. Now he cared too much about the people he had become responsible for. He'd fucked up of course, especially with Suzie and Ianto, not recognising their fragile humanity when it was screaming out at him for attention, because they had known that they couldn't save themselves. In reality though it was Ianto that had saved Jack in much the same way that the Doctor had saved him centuries before, before Rose Tyler had thrust this undying curse upon him. Part of Jack hated her for it and part of him loved her for it too because with out her he would never have met Estelle or Ianto.

Jack rested his elbows on the side of the bed and watched wondering what he should do. Part of him wanted to let Ianto go, to send him away as far as possible from all the pain and harm that had been inflicted upon him. Jack knew that Ianto would never leave because he had no other reason to live. Retconning him would only take away his soul and leave him broken and incomplete and Jack couldn't bare the thought of doing that. So, what to do? Jack wished he had an answer. His mobile started to ring and Jack was painfully aware of the glare from the ward sister as he answered it. It was Gwen.

"_Hey Jack. I came in to an empty Hub. Don't tell me you boys are still in bed?"_

Jack couldn't help but smile at the remark, Gwen seemed to think they were a couple these days and perhaps they were.

"Actually Gwen, Ianto's still in hospital. They kept him in over night. I'm with him now."

"_Is it serious?"_

"No. I think they just want to run tests, but he has got a skull fracture….Look he's waking up. I'll call you later OK?" He hung up and focussed on his drowsy lover who was now trying to sit up, looking and feeling like shit.

"Jack?"

"Hey. Let me help."

He assisted Ianto into a sitting position and got him settled against the pillows.

Ianto took a moment to take in his surroundings. Oh, still in hospital then.

"What happened?" He was blearily looking at Jack.

"You were hit on the head yesterday. In the absence of the good Dr Jones at the Hub, I brought you here last night to get you checked over. Glad I did now."

The memory vaguely seeped in, a large lump of concrete being hurled at him, Jack shooting something, an awful lot of bad language and a dead cat. Ianto sagged in the NHS bed, which was about as comfortable as the autopsy table in the Hub. He closed his eyes. So, he had another concussion. Fourth one since starting at Torchwood Three or was it the fifth? He couldn't recall exactly. It was another one too many either way and Owen was no longer there to fix it. Owen, where was he when you needed him most? Tears managed to find their way out and roll down his pale cheeks.

Jack grasped his hand. "Ianto?"

Ianto sniffled. "I'm ok Jack. I was just thinking about Owen." He replied quietly. Jack squeezed his fingers. It was the first time Ianto had spoken of their dead friend since……..Jack refused to allow that thought any further progress. Ianto had been the one not to cry. Jack recalled how the young man had held Gwen and Jack alike and allowed them to vent their grief openly. Ianto had not done the same for himself and Jack reflected rather guiltily that he had not allowed Ianto the time and support he had needed to grieve. Ianto was good at never letting on; he had hidden his despair over Canary Wharf and Lisa from all of them. Yet here he was tired and vulnerable and finally letting the world see just how much he was hurting in his own private Iantonian way. Jack's reverie was interrupted by the presence of a staff nurse at the other side of the bed. She looked worriedly at her patient as she took his blood pressure.

"You all right Mr Jones?"

Ianto nodded wiping at the tears on his face.

"Can I go home now?"

"No, not yet, the consultant will be doing his rounds in a bit, but I think you'll be in for a couple of days. You've slept through breakfast, is there anything you'd like me to get?"

Ianto shook his head but didn't reply. The woman focussed her attention toward Jack.

"You really shouldn't be here. I know you're Torchwood but your presence has clearly upset my patient so I'd like you to leave. Visiting hours is from 2pm."

Jack opened his mouth to respond.

"I mean it Mr….what ever your name is. Mr Jones is my patient and we do have rules on this ward, so say your good byes and come back this afternoon." She filled out Ianto's chart placed it over the end of the bed then strode away. Ianto watched her depart with a faint smile on his face. Jack was speechless.

"Feisty one that."

Jack nodded and stood up. "She's right too. I'll stop by the flat and pick up some things for you and come back later after dragon lady has gone off shift. Sorry I know it was stupid of me, I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"You're not stupid Jack. I'm pleased to see you. I'll be ok, just have a headache for a few days I guess. Don't worry."

"Do I look worried?"

"Yes, you do. Go on get back to the Hub. Gwen'll need you there."

Jack leant over and gently brushed a kiss into Ianto's hair.

"I'll see you later."

Jack walked away wondering when he'd finally fallen in love with Ianto and why it had taken so long for him to figure it out.

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Gwen looked up from the work on her desk on hearing the roller door open. Jack stepped through the threshold looking distracted. He pulled off his great coat and after hanging it up he went to the coffee machine.

"How's Ianto?" She called out abandoning her work to join him in the little kitchen area. Jack made them both lattes.

"He'll be ok. Looks like he's gonna there for a couple of days though, but they kicked me out off the ward before the doctor came round to see him. I don't like leaving him there."

Gwen squeezed his shoulder. "It's best place for him at the moment. At least it means he might get some rest. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I shall be glad when Martha's back to check him over though. I don't trust the NHS. Mind you if I hadn't insisted on dragging Ianto into casualty last night, he'd be here now trying to work with a skull fracture and a serious concussion. I could kick his arse sometimes. He is so stubborn."

Gwen sipped her coffee. "And have you?" She ventured cautiously.

"Have I what?"

"Kicked his arse?"

Jack froze. "What do you mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean. I know domestic violence when I see it Jack, remember I was a police officer long before I came here." There was no accusation in her tone, only worry.

"So what makes you say such a thing?"

Gwen sighed. "The fact that he flinches whenever anyone touches him, that he's had bruises on his face and wrists and probably under those pristine suits, he won't talk to anyone but you and he's lost weight. Are you hurting him Jack or is he hurting himself?"

Jack was horrified by the idea that Ianto would harm himself. More horrified by that than his own actions. Domestic violence? Was that really what it was? Fuck, Jack hadn't realised. What must Ianto think of him?

"It's not your concern."

Gwen's eyes flashed with anger. "It is when you are hurting my friend. Come on Jack I want an answer!"

Jack lowered his mug and placed it on the bench.

"It's not what you think. It's been hard for us since…..I've been having these….moments and I've just lost it. Ianto has been trying to help me. He is helping me."

"And you beat the crap out of him in return?"

"No! I would never hurt him, not like that. Leave it Gwen, you don't understand."

Gwen was shaking her head and trying to keep a lid on her temper. "He loves you. He finally knows where he is at in his life. He's so devoted to you and you treat him like a slave. He'd do anything for you, he does far more than he should and you always take him for granted and Ianto is stupid enough to let you, but I will not stand back and watch you harm him."

Jack gaped at her.

"All you seem to do is use him for venting your frustrations sexual or otherwise. He runs around cleaning up your shit and you should really fucking start treating him with a little respect. Do you love him?" She glared straight at him and Jack shrunk away under her intense look.

"Jack!"

It was the first time anyone had asked. Even Ianto had not broached that question with him and Jack wondered once again what the hell his relationship with Ianto actually was.

Gwen shook her head in disgust "I come here everyday. You protect me and the world and Ianto watches over me, keeps me fed and watered and smiling. What does he have Jack? Who does he turn to? It should be you, but you've never allowed it. Shit, whenever you want something that's bloody fine. He's afraid of you carrying his burdens so he keeps them all locked with in him and one day he is going to break, if you don't kill him first. After every thing we have been through Jack!"

Jack raised his hands defensively.

"Alright enough!" He bellowed. "I get the point. I can't afford to love him because I WILL lose him. Do you not get that? He will die like everyone else I'll ever meet."

"Then let him go and when you do be gentle about it."

Jack suddenly realised that tears were streaming down his face and he angrily wiped at them. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't live with out him!"

"Then tell him that, not me. He needs to know and you need to stop being angry with what you are." Gwen grasped his hand. "Tell him Jack. I know it will hurt you in the future, but Ianto doesn't have that option. If you really want to hold on to being human then being in love is the best and worst bit about it and you and I both know how much love Ianto is capable of."

Jack's mobile started to ring and exceedingly grateful for the distraction Jack answered it.

"_Am I speaking to Jack Harkness?"_

It was a voice he didn't recognise from a with held number. "Yes, who is this?"

"_I'm Doctor Patil, it's regarding Ianto Jones……."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hope To make It Through Another Day**

**AN: Joseph Tarrant features in my story 'Acts Of Kindness'. You don't need to read that but the background is as follows. Ianto helped MI5 and UNIT get rid of a terrorist weapons dealer called Jason Murry. Murry was rather attached to Ianto and reacted very badly when he discovered that Ianto had been working for MI5. Murry was selling backwards engineered alien tech to terrorist groups. Joseph Tarrant was Ianto's MI5 contact whilst he was undercover for Torchwood. Joseph wanted Ianto to leave TW but Ianto just wanted to be at home at TW and try to fix things with Jack.**

**I've written this chapter to try and establish the links mentioned above. THANK YOU FOR READING.**

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Six weeks.

Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed heavily.

Six weeks.

He wasn't certain how he had got through them. He hurt. Everything hurt.

Six weeks two days and seven hours to be more precise and Ianto was still missing.

No one had seen him leave the hospital and it was only after Jack had got hold of the Hospital CCTV recordings that it became apparent that Ianto had not left out of choice. Two suited men had escorted him hurriedly through the AnE department, still in bare feet and a hospital gown and nobody had thought to question it let alone stop it.

The tracking device surgically implanted into Ianto's arm had stopped transmitting twenty minutes later just outside of Cardiff in a conveniently CCTV free zone. Since then, nothing, not a trace. The day after his abduction an MI5 agent by the name of Joseph Tarrant had showed up at the tourist office. That man was now helping Gwen at the computers trying to find evidence of where Ianto may have been taken too, assuming he was alive.

The first few days Jack had been in a blind rage, unable to think or function bordering on the edge of panic. It was too soon after Owen and Tosh and everything else. Too soon full stop. Jack had spent hours on the phone, pulling favours with every department he could think of in an effort to find his team member, friend, lover and…..well what ever else he was. Jack was slowly beginning to realise that he may never find out.

Joseph Tarrant had tried his best to get to Cardiff as quickly as he could. His own employers weren't exactly thrilled with him at the moment. A number of highly sensitive people from around the globe had gone missing recently. All of them had been connected to 'Alien' research of some kind or another. Two people from C.E.T.I, another from N.A.S.A, four F.B.I agents, a UNIT officer and a woman from Australia's astronomical research facility in Canberra. Finally Ianto Jones. He had been the last of the victims to be picked up. No one had seen it coming and no one had connected the cases together until Joseph had looked into it. As soon as he had realised that Ianto was missing…….well he'd come running.

Even though he hadn't seen the young man in a year Joseph still felt very strongly about him. Ianto had forced him to re-evaluate his work and his life by sheer virtue of the fact that he had trusted him to deliver the most important message of his life when he knew his own life would probably end. Thank fully it hadn't though. Joseph was desperately disappointed that the boy had come back to Torchwood instead of joining his department at MI5. He had sent Ianto many emails over the last 12 months, reminding him each time that the place would be held open for him if things at Torchwood or Jack got too much for him. Ianto had always politely refused but they maintained their contact, exchanging information and small talk via the net and occasionally speaking on the phone. It had been Ianto that had advised him of the missing FBI agents. Joseph didn't want to guess at how Ianto had found out about it, but Ianto was always good at finding out things about people.

Joseph barely tolerated Jack. The man's overbearing posturing had been at first irritating, now it was just exhausting. Joseph understood though, Jack was torn between duties and wanting to run off and search for Ianto. Duty won over of course as it should but Joseph could tell that Jack hated himself for it. As his investigation moved on it became apparent that someone out there was trying to pick up from where Jason Murry's terrorist group had left off last year. The Daleks had left weapons all over the planet; some one had been systematically mopping them up too. UNIT had tried their level best to contain the situation, but had failed to locate the wreckages of at least two of the spacecraft that had been shot down by ground to air missiles in the initial stages of the attack. It was like a bad case of Deja Vue and Joseph was pretty sick of the whole damn thing. Surely the attack against Earth itself would convince people to stop fighting amongst themselves?

With the exception of Ianto all the people abducted had been communications specialists. Joseph had discussed this with Jack and discovered that Ianto could speak non-terrestrial languages. In some strange way it seemed logical really, Ianto was first and foremost an archivist, maybe in his line of work that included languages. Joseph wondered why Jack hadn't been taken instead. It was obvious really, no one very much would miss Ianto but if the head of Torchwood Three went missing UNIT officials would be having kittens. It was ridiculous really, because Ianto probably had more collective knowledge than Jack did anyway.

Joseph thought back to last year's operation. It had been a shambles from day one. A lot of people had died and then the CIA had ordered a military strike essentially destroying all the evidence and killing two MI5 agents in the process. Jason Murry's operation had been wiped out, but there was no follow up evidence to suggest that the man himself was dead. The Americans had been quick to cover up the mess and keep the British authorities out and Joseph was convinced that any surviving Alien tech from the incident would've ended up in their hands. He could prove nothing and worst of all he'd been ordered to lie to Ianto Jones about the status of the situation. As far as Ianto had been aware the operation had been a success, a costly one but a success non-the less and now he was paying the price for his involvement.

Joseph looked up from his place at 'Tosh's' desk. He hadn't had to wonder who she was, Ianto had explained in an email a couple of months back about their recent losses. Heart felt words with underlying anger and despair at what had happened and guilt for surviving summed up in a few brief sentences.

_"We lost two of our team a couple of days ago. It's hit us hard; we're so close knit. I don't know how to help Jack and Gwen. It's like Canary Wharf all over, just this constant pain in my guts. Do you get the same Jo? When things go bad, is it like this for everyone? I hate being alive when my friends are dead."_

Joseph sighed at the memory, he wanted to drop everything that day and come to Cardiff, but at the time he was on assignment in Hong Kong. He glanced around the 'Hub' and found himself looking upwards in the direction of the dinosaur's lair. Ianto had often referred to a 'Myfanwy' but had never elaborated on the thing that had won so much of his affection, a _chocolate obsessed bird_. Who'd have thought one could actually get sentimental about a dinosaur that tried to bite you whenever you went to feed it. Only Ianto. It was sitting there and looking above him that made him realise why Ianto would never leave this place. It housed such vast knowledge and wonders that Joseph could only dream about or find in an Isaac Asimov novel. No one in his or her right mind would walk away from that, no matter the personal cost. He turned his attention to Jack's office. The man was on the phone again pacing up and down the length of the confines, clearly yelling at the person he was speaking to, even though with the door closed he could not heard out here. Joseph sighed looking down at the monitor in front of him. He needed a drink so he got up.

"I'm going to Starbuck's, any one want anything?"

Gwen sat up and smiled. Joseph liked her; she had honest to God basic humanity oozing through those beautiful doey eyes and smile. He would have dearly loved a sister like her.

"Please, a latte. Thanks Joe."

Joseph nodded. "Martha? Can you get you anything?"

"Orange juice please." Was called up from the tiled autopsy bay.

"Jack'll have a double espresso." Gwen added with another slightly more cautious smile. She was well aware of Joseph's feelings toward that man.

"No problem. I may not like him that much, but I won't be rude, Ianto would skin me alive."

Gwen was left wondering what Joseph's relationship with Ianto actually was. Ianto had never mentioned him before, but Jack had obviously met him previously. She watched as Joseph departed through the roller door and was then distracted by Jack coming out of his office.

"Where's he going?" Jack demanded.

"Coffee run."

"Oh. I'm going to be leaving you and Martha to run things for a bit. Joseph and I will be flying out to Canada this evening. The FBI have a lead on the where abouts of Ianto and the others. I've called for UNIT back up so you and Martha do not have go out in the field whilst I'm not here."

Gwen opened her mouth to respond, couldn't think of a reply and closed it again.

Jack actually smiled at her. "You look confused."

"Er… no. I'm just concerned and I want Ianto back and now you're going…I just."

"Don't want to be left here alone. I know. You know you can bring Rhys in any time you need him, just not out in the field. I'm sorry Gwen, but I have to go. If there is any chance that he is still alive."

"Just bring him home Jack."

"I'll do my best."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: My up dates will be shorter from now due to university work, so i hope it doesn't spoil it for you...Thank you as always for taking up your time to read.**

**Hope To Make It Through Another Day**

Ianto opened his eyes only to have to close them again almost straight away. It wasn't so much the pain as the brightness and the need to be sick.

He'd been drugged then.

His mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool and his ears were ringing. It took him a while to comprehend the fact that he was lying on what looked like a stainless steel floor. He shivered from cold and cautiously tried to push himself upright. His stomach lurched and before he could even think he vomited all over the floor. He remained on his hands and knees for some time heaving violently, his body chilled with sweat. Once the retching subsided he settled in to a sitting position, looking down at himself through unfocussed eyes. He was still garbed in the hospital gown and nothing else. A glance at his surroundings didn't tell him much. A white room with a panel that could have been a door and one light fighting over his head covered with a metal grill. The wall he was leaning against felt metallic and on inspection it to was perforated like a grill. Ianto had a very bad feeling about the situation he was in. The room smelt of ozone and charred meat and that thought set him off retching again.

He became aware of a shadow falling across him and looked up into the rat like eyes of Jason Murry. Ianto's breath hitched in surprise and he pushed himself tightly against the wall behind. Murry crouched down in front of him, looking around with a disgusted looked smirk on his angular face.

"Well, Ianto. It's been a while." His voice was smooth, dangerous and Ianto was unable to meet the man's penetrating gaze.

"Nothing to say? And I went to a lot of trouble to bring you here, the very least you could do is say hello."

Ianto swallowed but said nothing, knowing his voice would betray his fear.

"I see. I thought you and I had an understanding? But of course, you were lying to me all that time. Gone back to shagging that Yank have you? A good blow is he?"Murry snorted. "You're a filthy little toe rag Jones. Torchwood's whore, a joke."

Murry gracefully got to his feet and walked about the room careful to avoid stepping in the vomit on the floor.

"Do you know what this?" He gestured as he looked down at his prisoner.

Ianto followed him with his eyes and continued to keep quiet. One word out of place and he knew the kind of rage that this man was capable of and Ianto also knew he was in no fit state to defend himself.

"This is a microwave decontamination chamber…Well it was once, while this place was still operating as an experimental research facility. Did you know that?" Murry shook his head and gave Ianto a sympathetic smile. "No, I don't suppose you did."

Ianto took a moment to digest that snippet of information. His gut tightened; somehow he knew where this was going.

"Thing is, pretty boy. You betrayed me and lived to tell the tale. Not that it matters. I got my money. MI5 and the CIA blew up the wrong facility in Afghanistan and all that tech was purchased for a very nice price." Murry resumed his leisurely pacing. "You see the thing about people with money and power is that they always want more money and more power, they don't take defeat lightly and your former bosses at Torchwood One were less than impressed by Yvonne Hartman's monumental cock up with the Cybermen. Of course they don't call themselves Torchwood anymore…Some of your surviving colleagues are even working for them…I don't give a fuck of course. So long as I get my money and of course so long as I get you, because eventually I am going to kill you for what you did to me." He stopped again and Ianto finally met his gaze somewhat defiantly.

"Damn shame really. You were a good fuck."

Ianto then looked away feeling ashamed at the memory. Still he wouldn't have to live with it for long.

"So Ianto. This chamber. It will be the last room you ever see in your miserable little life because when I leave I will lock that door behind me and leave you with your sick and piss. You will either die of thirst or starvation or maybe I might just throw the switch and watch you cook from the inside out. I'm told on the lower settings it can take a few hours and if I do it intermittently I can make it last a few days as you slowly heat up and simmer from your gut outwards. I haven't decided yet. I like the idea though. I mean either way I'll have to obliterate the evidence and eventually you'll combust into ash and bone. I'm told it's quite a beautiful thing to behold. The flames are white because they get so hot and you're pretty hot Ianto. Well you were once anyway."

Murry stood and watched awaiting an outburst of some kind, a beg or a plea. None was forth coming. Ianto pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned against the wall. He was terrified and Murry knew it but he refused to satisfy the man further by making a show of it.

"I'll spread your ashes on some one's rose garden when we're done. Just to let you know, when we switch this thing on you'll feel a faint breeze and the light will dim a bit. I'll give you a brief demo on my out."

Ianto watched as Murry strode away and disappeared through the doorway with no handle. He heard the clank of the locking mechanism and waited.


End file.
